What will happen when I die?

July 23, 2019 time 0712

     Sydney is all but happy in his OCD world of horror prop making. He stayed with his father for the weekend and re-met a 21 year old boy and apparently they got along well. That makes my heart happy that he can meet people from time to time and not hurt him.
      Sydney takes his medication and all is working out fine with the Abilify now. Dr Baltz is a good doctor and though his therapy sucks, at least his medication is doing well now. His first therapist Artis  went back to Memphis, I don't blame her for not wanting to make the hour + drive back and forth, it's a grueling, boring drive, nothing but corn, soybean, and cotton fields on flat land. After Artis came Mattie who he sees now. She is pregnant and gets horrible sick and is constantly is out and Sydney may only see her once every 4-6 weeks unlike every two weeks. He has lost interest in going to her. Then there are his in home case workers, There was Ms Ruby, then Mrs Wade. We have another one I was introduced but now I have lost interest. No one but Dr Baltz has been constant.
     I was watching a TedX talk with Kerry Magro. I like him, he has overcome Autism to become a doctor. How exciting and I only wish the same for my son. He discussed a father who came to Kerry and asked him, "What will happen to my son when I die?" I often think the same thing.
   
     My health is crap. My cervical fusion failed, and the latest CT of neck shows "moderate compression" of C5-6 nerve and a little compression in C3-4. Nothing new, I stay in pain regardless of how I project my outward appearances. Just trying to stay positive, but that is hard to do. Dr Li's nurse practitioner is a man, Mike Ball, he is nice and I told him about my headaches and that I can wake up with them, have them all day, etc...., he had a CT of my brain done along with my neck and it showed that I had white matter infarction in the left frontal lobe. Wonderful 
HEAD:
 Impression

IMPRESSION:
1. No acute intracranial abnormality.
2. Small focal area of hypoattenuation within the left frontal
subcortical white matter that most likely reflects a small remote
white matter infarction.

NECK:
FINDINGS: 
Alignment: Trace anterolisthesis of C3 on C4. 
Occipital Condyles: The occipital condyles are normal in appearance.
Trauma: No fractures or facet dislocations. No prevertebral soft
tissue swelling.
Vertebral Body Heights: Normal.

Postoperative changes are observed status post C5-C7 ACDF. Hardware is
in unchanged position and is intact. There are fusion changes across
both disc interspaces. Mild left neural foraminal stenosis at C3-C4
secondary to facet degeneration. Moderate bilateral neural foraminal
stenosis at C5-C6 due to uncovertebral joint hypertrophy. Mild
bilateral neural foraminal stenosis at C6-C7 due to uncovertebral
joint hypertrophy.

     Today I go to my gastroenterologist to find out what is going to be done about the sliding hernia that upsets my stomach so along with the severe acid relux. I get tired of throwing up every week. Not to mention all this weight gain due directly to my meds and conditions. urrrrrrg, life can be so unfair. 
     
     I have been looking for new housing to get out of this area. There is NOTHING that keeps me grounded here. Very sad and depressed. I HATE HATE HATE the south and the crime, attitudes, heat that it brings.

What will happen to my son when I'm gone?