Stressful Household

What makes for a stressful
household? A house full of students! 

Sydney's counselor informed me that he needed 11 more electives to graduate this year. We have been doing major cramming to get it accomplished (his teachers and I). His depression is getting worse and his doctor is holding off on the antidepressants till after PaPa's passing that may be any day now. Sydney cries, sleeps, and has anger issues, but that also goes along with his autism. His stimming has gotten worse and he shakes every waking hour, but I ignore it as it is part of his nature.

Me, I cry. School, bills, medical, being away from mom and dad, work, tons of stressors and no support to lift me up. So I 🙏 pray and cry. 

Dad is now on 2-Fentanyl patches, anti nausea, and hospice sees him daily now. Next step is Morphine.

Roses I got for Dad's birthday, God blessed us and had him stay another year.

A Happy Birthday?

November 9, 2019 time: 1751

     I called Dad today and let Sydney talk to him to tell him, Happy Father's Day, PaPa. Sydney asked how he was doing and Dad replied,"Some days are up and down". Sydney proceeded to tell him that we were going to my friend Brenda's house tomorrow to go metal detecting. It was short, not so sweet as neither one of them knew what to say, then it was my turn for an awkward moment.

     I wished him a happy birthday and he told me that pastor (Dr Steve Gann) came over and gave him Communion. It seemed so final to me. It saddened me to hear that and my heart sunk as it has so many times in the last few months of his illness that will eventually take his life. As a Christian I should be happy, I'm still stingy, I want him here forever to give me his loving heart felt directions for life. He was and is good at that. Damn I wish I had learned how to type, I cannot see the keys through my tears.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy.......I will miss you

What will happen when I die?

July 23, 2019 time 0712

     Sydney is all but happy in his OCD world of horror prop making. He stayed with his father for the weekend and re-met a 21 year old boy and apparently they got along well. That makes my heart happy that he can meet people from time to time and not hurt him.
      Sydney takes his medication and all is working out fine with the Abilify now. Dr Baltz is a good doctor and though his therapy sucks, at least his medication is doing well now. His first therapist Artis  went back to Memphis, I don't blame her for not wanting to make the hour + drive back and forth, it's a grueling, boring drive, nothing but corn, soybean, and cotton fields on flat land. After Artis came Mattie who he sees now. She is pregnant and gets horrible sick and is constantly is out and Sydney may only see her once every 4-6 weeks unlike every two weeks. He has lost interest in going to her. Then there are his in home case workers, There was Ms Ruby, then Mrs Wade. We have another one I was introduced but now I have lost interest. No one but Dr Baltz has been constant.
     I was watching a TedX talk with Kerry Magro. I like him, he has overcome Autism to become a doctor. How exciting and I only wish the same for my son. He discussed a father who came to Kerry and asked him, "What will happen to my son when I die?" I often think the same thing.
   
     My health is crap. My cervical fusion failed, and the latest CT of neck shows "moderate compression" of C5-6 nerve and a little compression in C3-4. Nothing new, I stay in pain regardless of how I project my outward appearances. Just trying to stay positive, but that is hard to do. Dr Li's nurse practitioner is a man, Mike Ball, he is nice and I told him about my headaches and that I can wake up with them, have them all day, etc...., he had a CT of my brain done along with my neck and it showed that I had white matter infarction in the left frontal lobe. Wonderful 
HEAD:
 Impression

IMPRESSION:
1. No acute intracranial abnormality.
2. Small focal area of hypoattenuation within the left frontal
subcortical white matter that most likely reflects a small remote
white matter infarction.

NECK:
FINDINGS: 
Alignment: Trace anterolisthesis of C3 on C4. 
Occipital Condyles: The occipital condyles are normal in appearance.
Trauma: No fractures or facet dislocations. No prevertebral soft
tissue swelling.
Vertebral Body Heights: Normal.

Postoperative changes are observed status post C5-C7 ACDF. Hardware is
in unchanged position and is intact. There are fusion changes across
both disc interspaces. Mild left neural foraminal stenosis at C3-C4
secondary to facet degeneration. Moderate bilateral neural foraminal
stenosis at C5-C6 due to uncovertebral joint hypertrophy. Mild
bilateral neural foraminal stenosis at C6-C7 due to uncovertebral
joint hypertrophy.

     Today I go to my gastroenterologist to find out what is going to be done about the sliding hernia that upsets my stomach so along with the severe acid relux. I get tired of throwing up every week. Not to mention all this weight gain due directly to my meds and conditions. urrrrrrg, life can be so unfair. 
     
     I have been looking for new housing to get out of this area. There is NOTHING that keeps me grounded here. Very sad and depressed. I HATE HATE HATE the south and the crime, attitudes, heat that it brings.

What will happen to my son when I'm gone?

   

PTSD and Autism Parents

June 22, 2019 time: 1344


Another blogger wrote this article
https://wwfpictures.blogspot.com/2019/06/traumatic-stress-and-mothering-child.html?m=1&fbclid=IwAR2d0Ui2vnjFBXVl-LDpAbWTI1okYZAPyC51mU7gH3xvzwFgFZdvaWXbpFY

     Sydney has been doing well and Doc Baltz took him off Respidol and put him on Abilify. His quick anger returned for a few days and then evened out, he showed me last night that his breast tissue had gone down and lifted his T-shirt while I palpated around them. He says they are no linger sore.
     As always he is still obsessed with Freddy glove making, making fake hatchet knives, and other grizzly things. But he is happy in his world, and I'm happy for him in that reguard but wish he had friends. We were suppose to go blueberry picking but the heat index is 105 both yesterday and today. Too hot for man or beast.
   
     I went for neurology check-up a few days ago, I had Vit D levels checked (scale is 30-100) and it seems I am at a 36, on the low side and I suppose that I will get another Rx for that. I had another Xray and I asked for a copy on disc, it clearly shows that there is absolutely NO fusion in C5-6 allograft. It was hard to tell on C6-7 as it was obstructed, but I will await the result just the same. I stay in pain and as I vented my frustration to Michael, Dr Lee's NP he returned back into the room with a self-charting mental test. Seems that I rated a 30 on the test, 31 is sever depression. He said I needed to relax and find a way to vent my frustrations. I lost it because I was so pissed off at my sister for not telling me in person that my mother was in the hospital. I wiped my hands of her and now I feel saddened but better.
     I will venture out on my own to go pick berries shortly and head off to Memphis later tonight. Torture on me to drive anymore. Edema is horrendous as well as bending the neck. I'm caught in a situation. SSDI lawyer will be contacted this week coming, I cannot continue like this.

Not Giving Up On You

https://www.facebook.com/musiccrowns/videos/459732317902895/

A Rocky Mother's Day

May 12, 2019 time: 0909

While at work Sydney sends me a message that someone is hitting the house with rocks and he is a bit scared. I told him I would call the police and did so. He later replies to my message that he thought it was Phil and his friends, all I think is, WHY? When I get home I see that there is a rock on the roof at the front of the house directly in front of their driveway, I then look in the yard and get a handful of rocks out of the yard that were not there when I mowed just days earlier. Phil I fear is such a loaner and will be heading for trouble because he seeks approval from his friends and always, always, always there is issues with him that has wedged  in between Jimmy and my friendship. Though pure observation and my personal opinion I do believe that Phil has also started a few fires of abandoned houses directly around the neighborhood, I cannot prove it and it is my opinion that because he was on the fire department (not known if he still is) that he was seeking excitement. He has some serious issues I feel.
Yesterday when I got home Sydney had made me an egg with the Tupperware Breakfast Maker, he thought it was Mother's Day. I is very caring and clingy when it comes to me and I don;t mind it at all. At least he has me, unfortunately only I, Mr Micah Lipscomb from Arkansas Connections Academy, and his case workers understand him. At state testing last week Mr Lipscomb saw that Sydney was stiming with his hands and immediately had directed Sydney to a quiet chair in the hallway while waiting for testing to begin, I was ELATED that he was knowledgeable in stiming and meltdowns.
In the morning I go to my pain management appointment to get ready for my nerve block scheduled for the 24th of this month. I pray it works. 

Is This All There Is?

January 5, 2019 time: 0425

     So Sydney had to show me the fingers that he made with some outside finds of  Co2 cartridges and copper wire. For Christmas I got him another Freddy look-a-like glove, 3 bottles of latex, an acrylic paint kit with about 15 paint jars in it, a bad replica of a Freddy hat, Leatherface movie, and something else. I felt that it was slim pickings but he was happy with our little tabletop tensile tree and the pot roast he asked me to fix for Christmas dinner. It was just us two.
     He is excited that I am taking him to see Jim for the weekend, we are going to meet at a gas station because my car sits so low to the ground and I will no doubt get stuck on his mushy gravel and mud road. I will let Sydney stay for a few days, Jim says he will let him paint his ceiling that he cannot reach.
     Sydney was good in cleaning part of his room and I can see his floor now. I am still not happy that his therapists have changed after Artis has left to stay in Memphis versus traveling to Crime City Marianna. I will see in time if he is being helped.
     School is going just so-so for him. He has so much problems with math, I wish I could help him with it. I could but then as he progresses with my assistance then I would not be able to go any further only because of my short comings in math myself.

     I have been on antidepressants for 3 weeks and feel no difference, I will send my NP a message and let her know they are not helping. I saw Dr Li at NEA Baptist and she has now released me to a NP also. I told her that my chest now has gone numb but she said that she knew that I was not a good candidate for surgery due to my crappy bones and I have my first appointment with pain management in March ( I look forward to the nerve block now!!!), the soonest they could get me in. I sit here crying from just thinking of all the pain that I stay in. Dr Li said she was proud of me at my 9 month mark for stopping smoking despite the 50# weight gain. So size 6's sit in my closet while I fit into size 14/16 now. Depressing. She said that also did not help that even being on 50,000IU of Vitamin D I am still low 30-100 is normal and I am at 37. She told me to double up on them. She said that is also what is contributing to my depression and that I should get a sun lamp to help.
     My house has never been fully unpacked and put away, I just sit and look at it with no umph to get up and deal with it. Is this all there is for me now? The garbage men came yesterday and I will get rid of A LOT of stuff while Sydney is gone.
Maybe I will feel better if my place is in better shape. I will honestly try.

   

Winter SADness

December 4, 2018 time: 0008

Sydney and I have been sleeping quite a bit as of late. He is stuck with homework at night and leaves it till I can help him. He is very stable and is taking his medicine on a regular basis. His therapist, Artis  has told him a few weeks ago that she was leaving the practice to stay closer to home in Memphis. I don't blame her, nobody wants to purposely come to Marianna if they don't have to.

Today I went in for a woman's dreaded PaP Smear and discussed with NP Shepherd that I was a little depressed from everything as of late and she said that it wasn't helping that my Vitamin D levels are on the low side being 37 (30-100) even being on an Rx. She wrote me  an Rx for Effexor and I pick it up tomorrow. She said that it may help in weight loss and my neck nerve pain. I'm all for that. I then went on a trip to Save-A-Lot that resulted in a 10 bag purchase of celery at 49 cents each. I spent the remainder of the day cutting and bagging celery. I made a pot of beef stew and just put on chicken thighs to boil for a pot of chicken noodle soup.

It's been a long day and I'm ready for some pillow hugging

Tupperware

Friday October 19, 2018 time: 2132

Another school year has started, Sydney has been on top of his school work and even panics if he is behind. Tomorrow I take him into Forrest City and they are re-testing him for his IEP.
Thing are pretty much the same and nothing too unusual other than he has mis-placed his wallet AGAIN. aside from him trying to find it everything is well.

Me on the other hand have started selling Tupperware and am enjoying it. I am making some money that has me happy. I hate that drive into Memphis and would be working tonight if it were not for that I have to go to Forrest City for the testing. On average I am making about 150 per party providing I am not spending any of it.

Excuse Me

Tuesday August 7, 2018 time:0217
Sydney has been restless for the last week as his friends have been away or cannot play. He was however able to go to their pool outing at their grandmother's with Sydney in tow, he returned red as a lobster and within days was peeling on his shoulders and nose. He slept nearly all day as his clock is way off tract like mine. I tried waking him up to let him go with me to Dr Li's appointment and he usually enjoys plugging my ears with his non-stop trivia of slasher movies and his future dreams of mask making. He also seems to have taken fondly to his Face Book reading and replying, especially with Cassey and the Asperger's group. Just how we are able to get some internet connections at this point I am not sure.
Jim still had not paid the internet bill or Sydney's phone. I called and asked him and he said that he was not able to pay either. When I asked him why the internet was $119 vs $69 he said it was because they charged him $35 for his returned electronic debit. So now I have to pay it to get the service back on. Then he says he has been trying to get Sydney a new phone, I said for him to just pay the bill and be done with it but he was dancing around the real reason. So I have to go to work in order to make up where he fell short. Sydney has to have the internet to do his school work that starts in two weeks.
And then of course I asked him why he wasn't working at either one of the jobs he was "Guaranteed"
and he just said no one has ever called him back,-ya think?
Dr Li's appointment went ok. She said I have facet cervical radiculopathy aka, pinched nerve as was found in the CAT scan. She said she would not do surgery and is referring me to pain management, will see me back in December and request an MRI, Blood work, and xrays at that time. She gave me a note for me to take to Social Security saying that I should not go back to my job and should be retrained or limited to computer or phone work that allows me to be able to change positions on a regular basis. I will turn that in tomorrow and go across the street to give the new nurse practitioner my request for referral to pain management.
I started selling Tupperware again and Karen Mauch came through like the social butterfly. She cracks me up. I have been keeping busy with setting up two more on-line and one book party. I'm having fun making videos and taking orders. So much has changed but so much has stayed the same at the same time. It's like I never left accept for the computer stuff. I'm hoping that I can get a booth for the fall event in town around September. I have to check into that tomorrow.

Let's Do the CT Scan Dance Again

Friday July 27, 2018 time: 1022
Sydney has been doing fine this week and going to his friends house or watching movies in his room. He continues to be an eating machine and devouring anything that remotely looks like it is edible. He has been doing some bending down for me when I change wall outlets while vacuuming. He has been taking showers on his own but I have to constantly remind him to brush those toofers of his.
Yesterday I was checking on my balance on my work debit card because I had to figure out how much more I needed to pay for my Tupperware order. Then I noticed a transaction had been mad at a "Soda Vending" for $1.50 at 9am in Michigan; WHAT???? I didn't get out of bed till 11am. It bothered me and I stopped in West Memphis to get my popcorn at Dollar General as usual. I checked on my transactions again only to find a $8.02 debit made from a McDonald's in a town in Michigan. I immediately called the card company. I was told to stop the card and another one would come in 7 business days. No way, I had to pay for my Tupperware and I put the money I made in what is called a vault/stash and locked it in there with a security question to get it out. I continued to make money throughout the night and tips allowed me to pay for gas without dipping into my stash!! I called Mrs B and made the transfer at the last possible moment, as soon as that went through I drove to the bank down the street and got most of the remaining money out and called the card company stopping the card and the remaining $2.32 would go to the new card. I have to file a dispute of charges on 3 transactions since another Soda Vender was on the 16th of this month as well. It amazes me how people get a hold of other's information. The lady said that the person could been testing the waters and then go for a BIGGER purchase to wipe out my account. I thought that was funny.
I had sent a message to Dr Li's office asking for job limitations information to give Social Security, I was told RN Kelly wasn't there any longer *sad* and I was told that I needed to come in for another CT scan. I called, after getting vacuuming, doing a load of laundry, and washing Sydney's dishes for the radiologist telling me they want me in today at 5:15pm. So much for going to work tonight, I will  be just too tired.

Benign Be Gone

Monday July 23, 2018 time: bed time
Sydney has done well this week and has been trying to clean his room, I'm impressed at the way he can pile things 5 foot high and have 1/2 his room looked like he cleaned it. He has done well the last few days with Harley's passing and I'm proud of my medium man, no longer my little man.
I had my follow-up appointment today with the dermatologist and said the lab showed that it was a benign growth called Humahumahuma: it started with an "H" and unless it grows back, I'm cured and it is healing nicely.
Well not only did Jim have Sydney's phone cut off but the internet as well. I sent him a text saying that he needed to go back to driving, heck he needs to go back to work the the Mafia hahahaha, "once you work for them you can't quit", well if they pay well...........
Brenda and I have our Sip & Paint tomorrow night, let the inner Picasso flow I say. I had gotten a call from Social Security and they wanted to know if I did physical therapy after surgery, the woman said she needed to know so that she can request the records. I told both before and after surgery I had therapy. It will be 4 months of waiting in a few more days, it seems like it's taking forever and maybe so if I have to fight for it through an appeal. I continue to take my stop a poop calcium citrate and wear my bone growth stimulator for four hours daily. 9 minutes to go and I'm laying down.

Before and after pictures of the growth

She Did It Her Way

Monday July 16, 2018 time: 0412

I didn't think that Harley would take such a drastic turn of health, but she did, and she did it her way.  On Thursday when I took the dogs out to eat breakfast on the back porch Harley didn't want to go outside, I just attributed it to Sydney who likes to feed them in the house versus me, I sit at the patio and watch them outside. She eventually went out but turned her nose up to the food and started eating grass- nothing new. I sat at the computer and she took her regular place on my left side of the couch, but she was getting up and down pacing until she had a massive vomit of grass and water, Sydney said he would clean it up while I took her outside. There she started to eat more grass and vomited 3 more times during the day. On Friday she again rejected her food but drank water as usual. I saw her pace and then watched her drag her curled up back paw. I knew then she would not last the weekend. I stayed home and she continued to pace and throw-up. She became more relaxed and stayed at my side refusing to go outside unless either Sydney or I ushered her out. Once out Saturday she refused to come in the house, She either was on front or back porch. I told Sydney that he needed to put July 2018 on her grave marker and he could put in the date later. I went to work Saturday night and Sydney has been calling me through FB messaging face time. I asked him where Harley was and he said she was over by the old fencing that is piled up on the side of the house. Later he sent me a message that he went to check on her and she was dead. I immediately headed home after talking to him. Sydney had shown me his headstone, and we both held each other and cried. The sun was up and Sydney and I were outside digging her grave. I caught myself grunting in pain with each shovel of dirt I brought up. We each took a set of legs and laid her in her 3 foot deep grave. Sydney covered her and I went in to take a muscle relaxer pill. I took him a cold bottle of water and Sydney was drenched in sweat and dripping from his chin and nose. I hate summer, and he does too. Sydney said that he wanted to read passages from the Bible and he read Psalms 23. We cried, hugged, and he came in to take a cool shower. I don't know why Harley chose to stay outside, but she did it her way, and I respect that in humans or animals. Earlier Sydney was in his room with Rachel and Elisha in his room crying, he said he missed her already, I felt bad for him and it left me teary watching him in mourning; after all, 15 years of unconditional love, you just can't get that from any human.

I went to my pulmonology appointment and the node has not grown, Dr Issa said I was to repeat the CT in 6 months and if it is ok then repeat in 1 year after that. He said nodes need to be followed for an initial two years in case they are slow growers. For now, I'm good.

I had the growth on my jaw removed from the dermatologist and I am to go back in a week. The growth was sent off to the lab to make sure it is not cancerous. The ladicaine  wore off about a half hour ago, ouch. But it burned like a fire ant going in, then he did a punch biopsy and it was over in less than a minute. It's all I could do not to laugh though, he resembled a skinny version of Mr. Magoo!

The Best Article I've Read in A Long Time

Monday July 8-9, 2018 time: stands still for no one
Sydney has been having a hard time with his English class he has for the summer. He just can't seem to engage himself as much as he tries and is defeated, he has a why bother attitude towards it.
As he was sitting down the other day to brush Harley he noticed that her tumor on her front leg is now as big as his hand, something that I had notice just a few days prior, it won't be long till her cancer ridden body takes our beloved 15+ year old Border Collie. He is approaching it in a way that he can handle it by making her a headstone for the day that it comes time to bury her. He made her a head"stone"; using the Dremel and plywood he carved and sanded her name. Though I cannot remember Harley's exact birth date, Sydney was a baby when I was on the "hill" in Kenucky when Sookie (my aunt and friend) had given her to me at the tender fur ball palm size age of 4 weeks. It somehow seems like a lifetime ago now, he hangs his head in deep sadness when he talks about her end drawing near.

https://www.healthyway.com/content/signs-of-narcissism-in-partner/?rtg=3166-kkC8j1&param4=hwywp-fni-fbss-3166-demo

I still continue to find Jim's (James Clegg) face on date sites on the internet, he said that he was doing it at night. Tomorrow I take Sydney for his encounter with Jim. It is important and part of my therapeutic input on him telling Jim what he feels and how it has upset him. Thursday is his appointment with Artis and along with me we can both combat his depression in a firm but loving hand. Artis and his case worker both have told me that I am doing a good job in handling his Asperger's Syndrome and his depression. When he gets out of line in being disrespectful I get on him and they both have said that I handle him very well. It makes me happy to hear that coming from other therapists and case workers, glad some of my psychology classes have paid off.
The link I placed above is about Narcissistic People. I got so much out of this 5 minute read. What I thought was interesting is that it is not curable and that I have continued to maintain my boundaries throughout our turbulent marriage.
Friday I go in for my lung CT, I have been for the second time smoke free for 4 months. My bones won't heal, so now it's time to see if the node has grown or remains the same, I'll find out next week at my follow-up appointment with Dr Issa my pulmonologist.
I worked enough to purchase and replace the two front tires on the car, the payment will be late because of it but I would not be able to make money to pay for the expired tags and taxes on the truck. Money makes the world go round and I'm still waiting on a ruling from Social Security. If approved I won't have to work, which is a good thing. When I get home I am in soooooo much pain that I just take meds and sleep all afternoon, it never ends, the pain never ends and I think I hide it well to the outside world. Sydney has even started helping get things off the floor/ground because bending over creates so much pain, it's hard to describe how such a simple thing can be so debilitating. I have been getting the BC/BS statement in that have been paid and so far surgery has been about 40k plus the bone growth stimulator was 4995.00. I had to call BC/BS because they wanted to know if it was an accident that I had to have surgery because they would go after the other party for all these bills that they have paid out. I just told the woman I have crappy bones.

James Clegg: My husband looking for a woman for sex and money

He is now been on for awhile on . Ourtime.com .

James Clegg, He's in Denial

July 5, 2018 time: I don't care, today it's just dragging

Sydney went and spent a few hours at his friends and came home. I had mad him a pork riblett family dinner, thinly sliced onion, and put it on a wheat bun. He devoured two right away while I ate one sole piece of meat alone. I reminded Sydney that he was staying the weekend at James Clegg, his father's place. As I was telling him what to pack for the weekend, Sydney hung his head and said he didn't want to go because,"he denied me". All I could instantly think of was denying three times before the crow does. I said that he would have to call his dad and tell him himself, he went out on the back porch as I suggested so that they can have a private conversation, and pray that his Asperger's didn't leave me to pick up the pieces after the call. He reappeared at the back door and said there is a recording. His phone has been shut off, I saw the overdue flash on the screen about a week ago and just thought that Jim (James Clegg) would pay his usual $20+ . Apparently not. So I get on the phone and the recording calls Cellular after the recording. They would not talk to me so I hung on the line while they tried to call, he didn't answer the phone. So I sent him this message:

Sydney said he tried calling you and his phone is off. Rep had me on line while she tried calling.

Sydney does not want to see you because you have denied that he is your son by saying you had no children under 18. He said he loves you but ,"you have done something to him so terrible that can't be forgiven".

All I got was that it was delivered. He did not reply back.

He would talk bad about me and that is fine, I have done no wrong. He talked bad to just about every family member he has/had. Judy and Ray took him in, but he would complain to me about when he could do his laundry and every meal had hamburger meat, or piss and moan about fleas on his legs.He had clean clothes and a meal and bitches. The most ungrateful person ever. When his father died he said he didn't get his tools or his sawed -off shot gun in his closet. Then he pissed about Pat getting all the family photos, he is so material.I had listened to that at least once a month for the last 10+ years. Is it too late to tell James Clegg age 68 (Next week) to grow -up and get some cahonies? I was looking at a picture of him and he had to put a pair of boots on with 2"heels, he had to measure up to his sisters. When Jason came to Billings when we lived there, he brought his girlfriend (Jennifer I think was her name?) She was a delightful person but Jim went into a frenzy fit because she was black. I told him that Jesus was a Middle Easterner and not necessarily a white dude either and to get over it because that was not his decision but Jason's. James Clegg is Archie Bunker reincarnated. Only this time he is MEAT HEAD too!! So stifle it.

Boots here

The Lawyer Visit Creates Fire Works

Wednesday July 4, 2018 time 1627
Sydney has spent a good deal of the day at his friends house. This morning when I got home he weed-eated a little bit of the back yard at 0700  I put on my harness and went to bed while I was woken to him taking my yoke off and saying he was going to his friends and that the weed eater ran out of line.
Yesterday I met with the lawyer, Joe Perry. I like him. He was a casual good ole' boy showing up in his faded worn jeans and a plaid shirt nobody would ever peg him for a lawyer in his more than casual attire. He took me to a meeting room because his office was in complete utter mayhem. I showed him just a few sites that Jim (James Clegg, Jim Clegg, Jimmy Clegg @JimClegg61, Littlemanjim50, Jim_Clegg, JamesClegg50 , etc...) was on, he was reading in complete amazement when I finally reached to retreive my phone back while he read and scolled through the sites. He said he wanted $500 down and total costs would be around 1K. Expensive indeed. What he told me is that even though Sydney gets part of his disability he should also be getting child support in order just in case his employment changes. I told him he would work under the table and he shook his head and said most people do to avoid paying out. He asked if Jim saw Sydney and I said,"he only comes by when he wants something like his laundry done". He said that he should see him at least a weekend a month. So this weekend Sydney is going to spend the weekend with him. As much as I hate it, I could also use a break, but not that bad to have Jim yelling at him all weekend, I'll see how it goes and will I have to pick up the pieces?

jamescl57268461

James Clegg,  Jimmy Clegg, Jim Clegg, jamescl57268461  littlemanjim50  jamesclegg61 jimclegg61 jamesclegg50 jimclegg50 with son and wife Sandy Curry 2009, Missouri

James Clegg, Jimmy Clegg, Jim Clegg with wife Sandy Curry 2008, Marianna, AR

Yes, Her Screws Are Loose

Monday July 2, 2018 time 2017

Sydney has been self absorbed into the tablet and not his mask making lately. I do think that the heat is getting to him. And today when I came home I was not happy that I had to unload the car, my ice coffee fell on the floor, dishes Sydney piled up in the sink, little ones (Poms) running around while he has a note hanging from the ceiling fan cords "Went for Walk". Rules of the house: put the little ones up in their kennel when you leave. Chances are that it is Elisha who will pee at the back door because she has separation anxiety like Sydney, but he at least runs to the bathroom. 

I had to apologize to Sydney because I was in a grumpy mood when I got home. I was tired, hot, and in pain, and it makes for me to be in a prissy mood. 

I left at 0530 to make sure I got to Jonesboro early for my 0800 appointment. I stopped at McDonald's in Wynne to get a breakfast burrito and iced coffee. A woman payed it back and I did the same to the person behind me. I got to the hospital with 30 minutes to spare and checked in only to be sent upstairs to the 5th floor to xray my neck. At 0820 I was in my room and waiting on Dr Li who showed up about 0830. I told her about the neck pain and while the program was booting up she ran to her office to get the inflammation diet sheet. Clearly it wasn't from her hand of typing(?) because I found a typo of yours spelled YEARS. Clearly somebody with a heavy accent either using a speak n spell like me and the computer didn't know how to spell the correct word. She checked my reflexes, hand strength, and looked at the xrays. She showed me the areas that she was concerned about and said that I am not fusing at all. She just told me to continue taking my Calcium Citrate and Vitamin D and she wanted to see me back in for 6 months visit, I am scheduled for December 18th. I think that she just wants to see that I am a slow healer and will take action later if still having a problem. I did forget to ask her about the bone growth stimulator, I'll call tomorrow and ask Kelly her nurse if I should continue to use it or box it back up for the closet.

I stopped at the Tasty Cake bakery outlet and bought $20.00 worth of stuff, stopped and got my hair cut short, then I stopped at Food Giant for a special 4th of July meat sale. #10 of frozen racks of  beef ribs for $13.00, #10 bag of chicken quarters for $3.90, and a bag of Tyson battered breast nuggets for $2.99, and lettuce for .69 cents, and a gallon tub of Sydney's vanilla ice cream for $5.99. Wore out and also called the lawyer and will see him in the morning at 10- not soon enough and ready to leave Jim's #James Clegg begging  lazy butt behind. Sydney is still upset at him.

James Clegg The Dog Still Begs

Saturday June 30, 2018 time: 1450

Sydney has been excited that he has found himself a "new" friend in cousin, Jennifer. He has been content as of late and I'm happy for him. I think that him being able to communicate to others via the phone or computer has helped him. We had a storm come through here 2 days ago and power liner were down all around us and AT&T said it would be till the 18th till our internet service was restored, it came back on the next day (today). He is addicted to the tablet and watches video non-stop. I hope he connects to the other Aspie people on the FB page.

Good grief James Clegg is all over the internet begging for money. Jim has Dolly Parton's, Blake Shelton, Miranda Lambert, Rihanna and other celebrities  following their pages. He's probably asked all of them for money as well, funny I didn't see Tyler Perry in these two sites. What I do notice and it is very apparent to me; Jim has taken his pictures each time I cut his hair!!! Well that won't happen ever again, I promise. He want's a bed buddy but advertises that he is sick and poor? Yeah ladies line up for this one. He even talked about his dog that he cannot feed even after he said he didn't have one. Sydney, my son named him Spot- he is a small skinny Brindle colored Pit Bull that is short of starving or has worms real bad- I feel for the dog, not Jim but refuse to ever have a male dog and I already have 4, that's enough. Jim sure does take a lot f selfies, narcissistic.

Sydney got a text the other morning but it was from a different phone number, Jim either got another phone or changed his number to 870-318-0422. 

I need help - general community - Craigslist: Memphis

https://memphis.craigslist.org/com/d/need-help/6588737412.html

I am JamesClegg i am 68 years old from Colt Arkansas I recently lost my job in ... help me my name isJames Clegg and you can find me on you caring please ...

Can you believe this, I just noticed that he is on Craigs List in Memphis but was removed.So damn funny.

James Clegg: My husband looking for a woman with money to support him an...

Bam- it Just Happens

Tuesday June 26, 2018 time: 1740

Sydney has been sound asleep for a few hours now and I'm not sure if he will get up tonight or sleep till morning. Since I am going out tonight I made some homemade chicken & Stars soup and it will be ready for him in case he does wake up.


I know that it looks as though I am stalking Jim (James Clegg, Jimmy Clegg, Jim Clegg) (yeah, I had to back that up and spell it correctly). But I had to post updates on my contact page on google. So I am adding all his known e-mails, Google then sent me a message in a box saying contact found- or something like that. That is when I click on it and see what they (Google) is talking about. That is where I found his Plenty of Fish page that I posted earlier. I couldn't Snip or Print screen my page for some reason but i was able to only copy this little bit. Go ahead and try it. Update your contacts on your Google page by adding another e-mail address and see what pops up, or BAM- you see something you weren't expecting.

Love, passion, honest, romance"

Passionate kind of guy the kind heart the loves life to its fullest enjoy simple things I don't drink and I don't do drugs I'm an easy-going person I'm a hopeless romantic person looking for a serious woman that won't break my heart again, I likes sunsets holding hands cuddling on the couch watching a nice good movie rather be romantic action or history or comedy it doesn't matter I like slow gentle kisses I like showing the one that I'm with that I love them very much candlelight dinners slow dancing holding someone tight yes I'm a hopeless romantic I like flowers and Candy to give to my love I'm easy-going soft-spoken and I'm looking for the love of my life and my first Last Kiss

P.O. Box 117 Colt, AR Physical Addy SFC rd 1002 Colt

littlemanjim50@gmail.com

blueeyes1767@gmail.com

jimclegg61@gmail.com

jimclegg50@gmail.com

(870) 318-2749

James Clegg, Jimmy Clegg, Jim Clegg on plenti of fhish dating site

June 25, 2018
Jim's posting on Plenty of Fish

Love, passion, honest, romance"

Passionate kind of guy the kind heart the loves life to its fullest enjoy simple things I don't drink and I don't do drugs I'm an easy-going person I'm a hopeless romantic person looking for a serious woman that won't break my heart again, I likes sunsets holding hands cuddling on the couch watching a nice good movie rather be romantic action or history or comedy it doesn't matter I like slow gentle kisses I like showing the one that I'm with that I love them very much candlelight dinners slow dancing holding someone tight yes I'm a hopeless romantic I like flowers and Candy to give to my love I'm easy-going soft-spoken and I'm looking for the love of my life and my first Last Kiss

Hot Mess in Arkansas

Monday June 25, 2018 time: 1242
All is quiet as Sydney sleeps in my bed. No matter how hard we try, both he and I are night owl-PERIOD. Right now that is not such a bad thing and that we can sleep through the heat of the day. It's currently 88 degrees but feels like 102. I still hate summer.

I have bratwurst on the stove and veggie tots in the oven for dinner. I have 1 more P.T. session on Wednesday and today was a good workout even though I was in pain from the time I got up. I was up to 6# weights and my shoulders definitely feel it today after coming off the 4#'ers. I had made a mental note when I woke up with both my arms doing the needle and pins thing, more proof that either I'm healing or I'm still broken. I almost stopped at the pulmanologist  to see when my CT scan is scheduled for since I have not gotten notice of it yet, I'm still waiting on Social Security to send me a pass code so that I can see where I stand in my process, maybe in today's mail it will show up. updated- it did show up that day.

On-Line Support Groups

Friday June 22, 2018 time: 1508
Last night Sydney was way too excited that he spoke to  cousin Jennifer for a long time. He said his phone kept dying because he ran the battery down. He was going on and on and on with his excitement, I was trying to speak but ended up screaming into the phone to shut up, I should just have hung up to get his attention. Hind sight. I joined a closed on-line group through F.B. called Asperger Syndrome Awareness. It is composed from people all over the globe who either are persons with Asperger, care-givers, medical people, or families of ASD people. I have learned sooooo much and I ask questions. One of the first things I asked about was nail and hair trimming, one "Aspie" as they like to be called said that he hates his nails done, while a mother states that her son's wild hair, also dressing and bathing issues. Sydney follows in-suite with all the others and I am relieved that I can learn much from young and adult Aspies and their families/caregivers. Sleep, or lack there -of along with sensory perception disorders, OCD, are all part of this and it will arm me with information to take to therapy. Hoarding is an issue and one lady calls her son Hurricane Herman  because of hoarding in the home and a 10x10 shed that is full. I am not alone in looking for answers.

Another weak of P.T. and my left side is still weaker and hasn't gotten any stronger. Next weak will be jam packed with our two day trip to Jonesboro for mental illness meetings. I hope Sydney won't come unglued and behave himself as best he can. I'm tired and will go grab me a few hours of sleep before heading out tonight. Momma's gotta pay bills. And in 5 days it will be officially 3 months since filing for SSDI, still no word even after I went to the SS office the other day. Hurry-up and wait.

Queso Battle

Wednesday June 20, 2018 time: 1630
Sydney's therapy went well today, he was happy that family members were chatting with him on F.B. and he's able to carry on a conversation to friends and family without his Asperger's directly being in the way. I was given a high-5 from his therapist because Sydney misses family and friends or the ability to have a normal friendship. Sydney remains calm unless Jim (James Clegg) is brought up, it was suggested that he record his issues with Jim and give him the recording at a later day when he can listen to it in private.
I had P.T and have worked my arm weights up to 6 pounds on each side. I also was upgraded to the blue therapy hand goo with the objective still to find the pinto beans within it. 
I came home and the Hispanic in me wanted a home made Quesadilla, 30 minutes later I'm all happy till I have to go and yell at the neighbors kid.
The 18 year old kid across the street is immature and influenced by bad kids. They all dip (tobacco in their front lips), I am CONSTANTLY picking up their cans out of my yard and throwing them back in their driveway. Sydney went out and confronted them as they kicked a can to our yard; I went out and told them to keep their cans over there and asked if they too lazy to throw them away? Then of course I get some smart-ass reply from his friends.I feel bad for the kid, he is no different than Sydney in that he wants friends, however, the friend he has are all smart ellics who have no respect for adults. UHG, Millennials- you can't kill them

A Sunday Melt Down When Did Father's Day Get Here?

Sunday June 17,2018 time: 1650
Sydney is all upset today and wants to lash out at Jim (James Clegg). He feels like a "bastard" as he puts it. He's left without a father and what he has done by "deserting" me is affecting him beyond what he can handle. I told him that he (Jim) was still his father and he loves him (though I'm not even so sure of that at this point by his actions) but that he may not like him right now. No different that I love him but am upset with him when he doesn't keep his room clean or leaving the toilet seat up. YES!, I'm one of those women. I suggested to him that he go in and take a nice hot bath and to take my bath pillow and relax. He agreed and he is there now.
While waiting for my bone growth simulator necklace to finish up its 4 hour session I made tuna noodle casserole for dinner that was delicious.  I have done nothing else today other than sleep and do 1 load of laundry, I am just that tired and in pain today. Though I have to go out tonight to pay bills I will make housework of today keep till tomorrow. I still can't believe that I missed my Friday physical therapy session, the days all run together anymore. I knew that today was Sunday,  I knew that Father's Day was Sunday, but I didn't realize that TODAY was Father's Day. I just can't concentrate. I did some more research and from me doing the Spurling's Test on myself I think that I have cervical facet problems that still is crushing my nerve root. I am anticipating the appointment with Dr Li on July 2nd to get her input, it's also Cassey's birthday but not like I will remember that either.

Get Up the Doctors Leaving

Friday June 15, 2018 time
Sydney definitely has anxiety separation issues and if I am sleeping soundly he will come in and place covers over me which instantly wakes me and follows it by a peck on my cheek. Can't get too upset over him waking me so I just always say, "I love you". It's when I fall back asleep and re-enters the room saying,"I think you need to get up". In my brain I'm screaming FOR WHAT?, but usually say,"Wake me in an hour", even though he can't tell time he knows that the timer on the stove has an hour setting and will push it for my extra hour. But today I said that I was working and came home to fry some bacon, do dishes, sweep the floor, feed dogs and let them out, so I need to sleep a little longer. He agreed and left the room, but by all this going on I just lay in bed fully awake. Life is so unfair when you have a good comfortable pillow under your head.
Yesterday I saw Dr Lee, she was not being deployed but going back home to Oahu, her mother is getting older and she also DIDN'T say in a round about way that this was not her favorite place to be. She said that she already has a job and the commute is 5 minutes away on the northwest side of the island from her off the beach. We got to all the refill stuff that I needed, she asked me if I had applied for Medicare yet, gee, apparently my doctors think that I retire now. I told her that I applied for Social Security and it has been three months and haven't heard anything yet. She is also referring me to a dermatologist to remove my witches growth on my jaw. She said she didn't wan't to mess it up since it was on my face, I just told her to shoot some Ladicane in it, punch it, then throw a stitch or steri-strip on it. But she said it looks like it might bleed and it might be basal cell carcinoma, I told her it would bleed because it has it's own blood supply now. *sigh*another doctor. I wished her luck, but I'm sure going to miss her.

Hibernting Summer Sissies

Wednesday June 13, 2018 time: 2000
Sydney tried to take one of his on-line English tests for the umteenth time and still cannot pass it. Because he can't pass it the program will not allow him to progress to his next assignments. Frustrating to him and I will contact his teacher tomorrow. Sydney went out yesterday and today to his friend's house only to find that they have not been home; since their mother works I suspect they go to relatives homes during work hours since school is out for summer.
I went to physical therapy and the first thing Jason said to me is he knew I was in pain because I was hunched over. I found a stock picture and on the right where her hand is placed from the bottom of her hairline to the top of the shoulder is where my pain is but on the left side. The occupational therapist was out because I wanted her to test my reflexes to confirm that I still have numbness in my arms from nerve damage. I was going to go across the street to the Social Security office but forgot to bring Sydney's Social Security card but the temp was 98 degrees and I was still in pain even after several sessions of the tenz machine to go along with the other stretches and exercises to round out the hour I'm there. I have to go see Dr Lee tomorrow and will go then, I'm definately going to ask for another 6 months of refills on everything. I stopped by Food Giant because Totino's frozen pizzas were $1.99 each, I snatched up 8 of them to keep the 6 packages of bratwurst  (2 for $5.00) company in the bottom of my cart. I grabbed milk, and eggs and was home in 5 minutes. Poor Sydney got a pizza and a few corn dogs on a pizza tray to eat on for a late lunch and dinner. It's too hot and I'm miserable.

Upcoming Goodbyes

Tuesday June 12, 2018 time 1458
Sydney was visited by his case worker yesterday, again she left her phone in her car while she was here and I was glad that she spent her hour here addressing his needs. She did mention to me that I needed to apply for his Social Security, his disabilities would qualify him to receive aid. When I go to physical therapy tomorrow I will go across the street and get a packet for him, it's nice to live in a small town where things are close together. Today I was researching more support groups in this area for Asperger's inflicted  people and their families, I sent off an email to an organization and hope to hear from them soon.
I have my last appointment Thursday with Dr Lee my PCP, she'll be leaving probably getting deployed to Afghanistan? I truly feel that God put me with her to get my neck and other problems taken care of.  I'm grateful beyond measures.
Last night a honey bee stung my thumb, I later found it gasping for air and saying,"help me, help me". hahahaha as much as I hate to see a honey bee die, sting me will ya?

A close up of my neck, 1 month today was surgery. There was a long piece of suture sticking out and I clipped both ends as close as I could without chopping myself in the process. It's healing nicely. It's too bad that my neck doesn't feel as good as this looks. Today- a headache.

Safety of Friends and Family

Sunday June 10, 2018 time: 1748
After several attempts by Sydney's therapist to have him use a journal, I have made Sydney an account of his very own on FB. This was a way for him to meet other family members (minus Jim and Cassey for obvious reasons) and feel some connection to the outside world with me monitoring his safety but allowing him a place to vent and have a feeling of accomplishment of some kind. I hope this allows him to be and show some creativity to the world in which he feels so left out of. I told him that he was not allowed on it without me being here to see what he is doing and I explained to him how people will pretend to be your friend but then they kidnap you, send you over seas, and use you as a sex slave. Yep mamma bear protecting her young influential cub. Jim (James Clegg) sent Sydney a message today and Sydney took his phone outside to call him. He said that he was going to give him a piece of his mind, I wasn't going to stop him, he needed to get some anger out and direct it at the correct person and not others around him. Jim (James Clegg) told him if he was going to start in on him then he was just going to hang up. He never ever wanted to hear that he was wrong, it would kill him to admit he was wroo wroooo hoooooooooooong about anything.
I laid down for a nap and slept only 3 hours out of a normal 4 but I tossed and picked up my head on several occasions so it wasn't restful. I have physical therapy in the morning and so far I don't feel anything other than more pain for the most part. If it doesn't get better than it doesn't. The surgery was worth it, but maybe I was expecting too much? All I can think is PSYCHO the movie. EEEK EEEEK, EEEK stab, stab, stab in the neck anytime I go to bend, lift, turn, or jolt my body in any way. I'm still not too friendly with my memory foam curved pillow. I like it if I am on my side, stomach is a no bueno Houston.

James Clegg Planting a Mental Scar on His Son Sydney

Friday June 8, 2018 time 1746
Sydney was a champion for digging two holes for the Montgomery Pie cherry trees. I threw in a fruit tree spike in each hole and he crushed them up. He also weed eated against the house, something he has never done before, I was quite pleased with his work. I took him to his therapy session today and he asked that I go in with him. We got inside the car and he had his school binder as he does have it in tow at each meeting. He has drawings, coffee stained paper he has made, and other miscellaneous items he has made within its shell, he has to show anybody who is willing to look at his prized accomplishments. Crafts are his obsession because he can create his horror themed paraphernalia his way. He expressed is major upset at Jim (his father) and felt the need to cause him harm because he was hurting me, or at least that is what he claimed. I had to set things straight that I was not upset but was more surprised that he had to advertise for a woman while he was still married. The therapist asked me if I had a living will to see that Sydney would go to proper care when I die, should I die sometime soon. She will get me the paper work so that I can start that. Sydney made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to be near Jim because of his (mental) abuse. Here is a picture I can remember taking when they were not at each other, it's sad that a grown man acted so much like a spoiled rotten brat.

I went to physical therapy prior to Sydney's session and was introduced to a few new simple but yet painful chores to do. Who knew that taking a 3" diameter ring on a piece of plastic arched tubing and moving it from one side to the other would stretch things I hadn't worked in at least a year. I had to also take handles attached on a rope that went over a round pully and alternate pulling my left and right arms overhead (oh my gosh- something so simple and my left shoulder felt like a vice grip had a hold of it. Again the left side is obviously weaker than my right due to nerve damage that stemmed from my neck nerve root issues.

WHEN DID MY HAIR GET SO WHITE?

Wednesday June 6, 2018 time: 1529

I just got off the phone with a summer school teacher from Arkansas Connections Academy, Sydney's on-line high school, he has to take an English glass. I told her I would have him start on it in a day or two. I have to break the news to him of summer school, at least it's only one class. His sleep pattern is all messed up since Dr Baltz had me take him off of melatonin and replacing it with an additional Benadryl. It didn't work. He just laid down a half an hour ago and will more than likely sleep till 4am and be up for awhile before I go to bed.

I have been starting out my mornings by taking my Alendronate Sodium (Osteoperosis pills), I don't like these pills. Then I put on my bone stimulator yoke that has to be on for 4 hours or 2-2 hours sessions. I forgot about it this morning and am wearing it now. 

I never went out last night and I still don't feel like going out now.

I had gotten my shipment in of fruit trees from Stark Brother's and have 2 of the dwarf plums soaking in a bucket, 2 yellow apples and 2 pie cherries also need to be soaking but I just cleaned the shower/tub and don't have plans to do it again till Saturday as usual. I'll have to get another 2 buckets out from the shed. All are dwarf or semi-dwarf trees and will start producing in about 2 years time. The blueberries I planted last year had many on them but they were bitter tasting and then I completely forgot to add the fertilizer for the acidic soil they love. That's okay there's always next year. They will add value to the property also. Not that houses around here are high value homes; I'm just sayin'.

While at physical therapy I asked the receptionist to take a picture of me in front of the cool painted bones on the wall while I was waiting for my 15 minutes of heat pack warming. She said,"Say cheese". All I can think of is when did my hair get so white?